It is now time for the cliché of all Dublin blog topics. I will now describe to you my experience over the weekend at… the Guinness Brewery. OK it’s actually called the Guinness Storehouse but they brew the damn stuff right next door, alright? The Guinness Kingdom (their land is roughly the size of Vatican City) is situated a short stroll down Thomas St. towards the dreaded West of Dublin, where 12 year old kids are to be approached with as much caution as a rapid velociraptor. The weather was quintessential Dublin, quite the nip to the air with skies as grey as Dorian himself.
The Dublin Storehouse is a looming series of structures stone-colored as the sky above; walking through St. James Gate, one feels engulfed in Arthur’s empire before descending to the basement level where the experience begins. Buy your ticket in the basement and walk up a set of stairs to soak in the story of where Guinness begins, the catalyst of a national heritage, the legend of… the gift shop! Yes, the expansive gift shop spans a whole floor and is where one begins and ends their journey at the Storehouse. Admittedly, it’s pretty cool and I did spend money there myself later on, hypocrite that I am. Anyways, keep your eyes on the road and your hand upon the wheel, cruise right over to the elevators and ascend past consumer temptation to the first floor. Here you will find the exhibitions of the ingredients found in Guinness in larger than life detail; piles of barley and towers of hops are presented to you until you walk under a man-made waterfall that represents the pure mountain water the Arthur channeled from the Dublin mountains to the brewery for his legendary elixir. Once you’ve finished here, you can truly discover how “good things come to those who wait” by learning how to properly pour a pint of Guinness on the second story. The chocolate hurricane that occurs while pouring a pint of the black stuff is to be handled tenderly, with more care than a orphan bluebird even.
One more floor up and you can walk through the chronology of Guinness marketing and advertising. My favorite image has always been the beautiful toucan, soaring high above fair Dublin with a pint on it’s beak. If you can’t fall in love with that image, you might as well go out to the nearest convenience store and buy yourself a sixer of Coors Light. Seriously, who doesn’t love toucans??? The next floor up is for the more privileged Guinness aficionados than your writer. It is the Connoisseur’s Bar, where for 25 euro more, the upper echelon of beer enthusiasts may partake in the elite range of libations Guinness offers. Maybe next time dear readers, but I had to get myself a toucan shirt after all was said and done.
The next floor was for those Storehouse guests that at this point had walked so many flights of stairs and had consumed that magical number of pints that they were were feeling rather hungry. Three nice restaurants made up floor five, but your writer was more focused on the final stop in the Guinness Experience: the lovely Gravity bar located on floor seven. ‘Wait… but you were just on floor five. Playing your cards close to the chest about floor six I see! Thought you could sneak by the wild and crazy experiences to be had on floor six, eh? Not this reader, I noticed! When I go to Guinness, I’m marching immediately up to floor six, right away! Try to stop me!’ Well, I won’t. The truth of the matter is, floor six is a mystery. It was not accessible to the public (even those guests of honor who were welcomed to the Connoisseur’s Bar). The elevator does not stop at six, nor do the stairs grant you access. My guess? It may only be reached through a series of tunnels beginning at Arthur Guinness’ catacomb.
While the true unknown of this suspicious secret may eat away at you, you will quickly be distracted by the allure of what sits atop floor six… floor seven. And on floor seven, you are presented a panoramic view of Dublin while enjoying a free pint of Guinness. Yes, one truly feels on top of the world here, probably pretty reminiscent of how Arthur felt every day of his life as a boss. One can soak up some pretty neat sights while enjoying the casual pint: the Dublin Mountains, the northern seaside town of Howth, and Aviva Stadium, to name a few. And that pretty much wraps up my time at Arthur’s playground. Well, that and a toucan shirt.
-Ted Kammerer
Professional Writing Major,
Champlain College Dublin Fall 2013
Champlain College class of 2014